Who Are You? Better Client Relationships
Networking has turned into nonstop pitching. Why asking who someone is, not what they do, builds stronger client and partner relationships.
This post is about how I build relationships with clients and partners. Know your real value, show up with integrity, and get to know people before you try to sell them anything.
When networking turns into nonstop pitching
A few weeks ago I went to an evening networking event I used to count on. In past years it was genuinely educational. People shared techniques, roadmaps, and hard lessons from building companies and raising money. It supported the entrepreneurial community in a real way.
This time felt different. Within minutes of walking in, it was clear the room had turned into a contest. People compared titles, stacked up credentials, and went straight to the pitch. I'm selling, you're selling, let's see if there's a deal here.
Nobody was learning much. Very few people were connecting.
Why is everyone selling so hard right now?
I don't think people got worse. I think they're under pressure. There's volatility from the top down, uncertainty across tech, and AI moving faster than anyone can plan for. When people feel vulnerable, they skip steps. The first one they skip is getting to know the person in front of them.
I understand it. It still doesn't work for me. If I don't know you, why would I work with you? If I don't like you, why would I take on your project? Is the juice worth the squeeze?
What should you ask instead of "What do you do?"
In 2013 I was at Inversoft and got on a call with an engineer from one of the largest game studios in France. They were evaluating our software. I expected the usual opener. What do you do?
Instead he asked, "Who are you?"
That one question changed the whole conversation. "What do you do" assumes your job is the whole of you. "Who are you" makes room for a person. It opened the door to a real connection, and the work followed from there.
I've thought about that call for years. At that event, after a long stretch away from networking, I heard "what do you do" over and over. I don't think I heard "who are you" once.
Know your value before you sell it
Healthy relationships start with honesty about yourself. Know your real skill sets. Know where they end. Build in checks so you never sell something that doesn't exist.
Integrity isn't a closing tactic. It's how you show up in every conversation, with every buyer, partner, or opportunity, whether a deal comes out of it or not.
What does a healthy client relationship look like?
I want every client I work with to become a friend. I want to see people who show up with integrity succeed in whatever industry they're in. That isn't a strategy. It's the kind of work I want to be doing.
Maybe that's a luxury. I have room to choose how I do business, and other people will choose differently. That's fine. But I'm not interested in a partnership where the other side won't show me who they are first.
Slow down and ask better questions
The next time someone pitches you, or you're about to pitch them, slow down. Be curious. Ask who they are, not what they do. Find out where you can support each other.
That's where real opportunity lives. It's what gives a partnership legs.
Take it or leave it. Be yourself.
